Praise. It’s an interesting concept. At first blush it seems simple enough: do a good job, get praised. But what if the job you did didn’t feel particularly good to YOU? Have you ever been praised for something that you were not particularly proud of? Made the praise uncomfortable, didn’t it?
Horses don’t over-think things the way people do. Our favorite kind of praise is when you STOP ASKING and get quiet. Oh, and carrots. I’ll do just about anything for a carrot.
Praising someone too much can make the praise meaningless. Even worse, when the praise doesn’t feel real to the praisee, it makes a person stop trying. They don’t want the praiser to realize the praise is not deserved, so they become hesitant to try. They become LESS confident, not more.
So how do you praise someone and have it affect them in a positive way? It’s actually very simple. Just ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT THEY DID without any qualifying statements. Instead of saying “you rode great today!” be specific and say “you did several correct canter departs today!” The difference is subtle, but powerful.
Just for today, praise those around you by simply acknowledging what they did, without any qualifying praise statements. Watch their faces and notice how they react to your words. Of course, you can bring ME carrots!
Love, Moshi
From Indy:
The neighbor’s cat was teasing me again today. She said I was a flea riddled, flop eared, rabbit chaser. Jane and Rhett keep me brushed and bathed, so I know I don’t have fleas. I have floppy ears, but that’s normal for my breed. And yes, I do chase rabbits. I’m a dog. That’s what we do! What’s wrong with that?
I know the cat was trying to get a reaction out of me. She was trying to hurt my feelings. What I don’t understand is, WHY? Why does the cat want me to feel bad? What does she get out of causing me to question myself?
Sometimes you just have to step out of a negative situation. Let the mean girls go. Engaging gets you nowhere. If you’ve done nothing you need to correct or make amends for, let it go. Perpetuating the drama will just continue to hurt your feelings. It’s a no-win situation. Instead, find something positive to put your full attention on. Directing your energies toward upbeat goals is a great way to establish personal boundaries while maintaining your inner peace.
I know I’m a good dog. Jane and Rhett love me a lot. That’s enough for me.
Love, Indy
Jane Savoie
1174 Hill St ext.
Berlin, VT 05602
Jane’s Website
DressageMentor.com