Strategies for Resolving Rider Resistance: Goals vs. Priorities

Updated October 15, 2006

by Kelleen Simons

In this article, another common cause of resistance in the rider will be addressed: goals and priorities not aligned with one another. This most commonly occurs during life transitions, when priorities change but goals do not. By definition, goals are those things that we intend to accomplish, and priorities are those things to which we give most of our attention.

An example is the story of Danielle, a 40 year old, married, "stay at home" mother of a one-year-old son. Danielle has ridden and trained horses her entire life, even during and after her pregnancy. She and her husband own a small farm with three horses, one of which is a three-year-old filly which is ready to be started under saddle. Danielle's goal this past year was to start riding her filly by summer. Danielle says she has plenty of time to work with her filly, but has noticed that her interest in riding and training has decreased and she now prefers to spend her free time with her son and other new mothers.

By summer, Danielle says she is very discouraged. She still has not started her filly under saddle and just does not have any interest in doing so. Danielle states that she is confused by what she is going through, as she had enjoyed riding and training horses for many years. She feels guilty for not spending as much time with her filly as she thinks she should and cannot find anyone to talk to who understands her dilemma.

Like many of us, Danielle is going through a common life transition. Her new priorities as a mother have become evident over the course of several months. As illustrated above, confusion and discouragement can arise when one's goals are not supported by one's priorities. When this happens, the key to begin moving forward again starts with developing greater self-awareness and then making some positive changes.

Danielle started her path of change by seeking a life coach to assist her in sorting out her problem. In her first month of coaching she identified her new priorities by becoming aware of how her choices and desires had changed over the past year. She then changed her goal to better agree with her priorities. In the end, Danielle created a new goal of having her filly started under saddle by the end of the year, and asked a long time friend and trainer to do the work for her. She realized that her feelings of guilt, discouragement, and confusion were normal, and once she developed a strategy for dealing with her situation, these feelings disappeared.

It is important to realize that priorities tend to be situational and change with life's transitions, whether it is from childhood to adolescence, single to married, or working professional to busy parent. In order to have a satisfying, fulfilling life, one's goals must reflect one's priorities and vice versa. The next time you notice that you have stopped moving forward toward your goals, ask yourself if your priorities are truly supporting your intentions.

Kelleen Simons, LCSW, Life Coach provides one-on-one coaching to equestrians who seek solutions to their everyday problems. To subscribe to her free on-line newsletter, visit www.TheBalancedEquestrian.com.

For information, visit www.TheBalancedEquestrian.com.
Reprinted with permission.
Copyright - Kelleen Simons, 2004, all rights reserved